What It‘s Like To Be Me

wedding_web Having a father is having guilt. When your father wants more than you can give. Sometimes to be me feels like everyone needs so much and I should be giving everyone so much more. The language of guilt. I try to silence it. I try to be happy.

Being happy means doing stuff that I feel I shouldn‘t be doing. Like going to Starbucks. I feel I cannot find the right balance between indulging and giving. I seem to need to escape too much in search of a feeling called happiness.

There are days when I seem to get the balance right. Today felt off. It felt like I was nowhere I was needed. Or if I was not needed what am I here to do. I felt judged. Maybe mainly by my own expectations.

I felt a bit nostalgic. I felt strange. Unreal. Off.

So in control. So out of control. So passionate and so dampened.


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