Sometimes I am not sure what to write about and I thought all night that I could be writing about things like trust or love. These are big themes and they have no real definition. All of us use these terms to mean many things at once.

I can say one thing however. Trust is something related to ourselves or to others. To gain trust in others we need to have had certain experiences with these people and to know them. Knowing them means knowing how they will react in certain situations.

Recently somebody who did not act as though he cared about me told me that I should „trust“. I should trust that he cares about me. I immediately thought that trust was something this person had to earn. I was right. The relationship was not good for me and not trusting the person was right.

We can also trust in ourselves. This is another type of trust. When we are in a competition we can lean back and see the work that we have put into our training unfold.

Regarding what I learnt in the last year while listening to podcasts about sports: I learnt that recovery is equally important as training. For me this is a metaphor for life. I come from a family where being idle is seen as negative. So I had to readjust to the fact that I need to decide what makes me happy (to chose activities and people that make me happy) and spend my time with those people and activities.

In between spending time with these well chosen events and people I prefer to remain idle.

I decided to become a better runner. The training for running has helped me to understand that professional and successful athletes try to „hit“ the important workouts. That is: they prepare for the fact that they need to be at their best when they attempt difficult trainings. This means not filling one’s life with useless activities and then half-heartedly trying to train. While training you need to make powerful choices: you chose WHAT to fill your life with. This means saying no to everything else. Creating a big void means that you have time and energy to reboot and to find the positive energy for the important moments.

This also means decluttering your space and your relationships. Getting rid of all the unnecessary noise. Unsuscribing from newsletters, letting go of people, letters that are off-putting, throwing away stuff that was given to you but that you do not feel is adding any value to your life. Not meeting people that you feel unsure about. Not paying for services that you don’t really need: i.e. buying a new book while you still have 20 unread ones at home, or getting a doctor’s appointment when you are not sick, etc. There are so many things that we do „just because“ in a certain moment we are drawn to this action.

Another take-away from sports: control the controllables. When we focus too much on trying to think about things that are not controllable, we waste a lot of energy. It is best to break our concerns down into small manageable doable actions. For example: anxious about the environment? What about giving money to an environmental organization or helping out in an NGO helping the environment?

For me it is useful trying to write my thoughts down to see what is going on in my mind and then to see what actionable steps I can take to reduce energy consuming thoughts. It is also helpful for me to make lists and to deal with issues by putting them on the lists first. This is the first small doable step in the right direction.

“When something matters to you, you’ll do whatever it takes. Get clear with what matters most and line up your day accordingly.” —Michael Gervais

I could be trying to summarize what I learnt each day and each week.

What I learnt yesterday:

I think I might be a writer. I think that this is a talent that I never knew I had. It is easy for me to structure my thoughts when I write them down.

Yesterday I listened to Michael Gervais talking to Gretchen Rubin about habits and happiness.

I did the quiz to see where I fit into the 4 tendencies. I am an Upholder. I do things not only if I am externally motivated but I can also stick to my own resolutions. To be able to do both is a gift and it is a pretty rare thing.

I put a lot of pressure on myself. As soon as I learnt that I am an Upholder I compared myself to the best of the world (again). And then I thought I should start to write a book or do a blog or become a yoga teacher.

When I think about who I am and how I function:

I need time for myself (especially in the mornings).

I like to have space to think and be quiet and sleep.

I structure tasks into very easy steps in my mind so that I can make difficult tasks easy (delegating things that are uncomfortable is also a great thing. When I know I cannot do something I delegate or I find a coach to do it with me).

I like to write and make lists.

I like to be coached for running and strength training and yoga/stretching and Pilates.

I read on the Gretchen Rubin website that there are very hard things to do because they can be done at any time. They are not urgent. One should make a list of those things and set an hour per week to do those things:

This is my current list of “nagging things to do”:

Spending time with my kids (I find it especially hard very early in the morning).

Ordering my children’s closet.

Throwing stuff away and taking it to the waste disposal.

Cleaning my daughters room (decluttering).

One thing I realized is that Michael Gervais begins every interview by appreciating the other person. I should give more praise to other people. I thought of doing my personal kindness project.

Interview with  Michael Gervais and Jake Blauvelt (snowboarder):

I heard this guy on the Michale Gervais podcast. He sees the face of a mountain and he need to remember the picture and think of ways to draw (snowboard) lines down this mountain. One of the criteria to judge if he will do it or if it too risky is: will I die? Another is: will I have fun? He admitted to being addicted to the sport. He was very gracious int he way he spoke about this fact.

Another thing he talked about is pleasing others. He finds himself overthinking about what he said to others, but if he is with the people that are closest to him he does not need to overthink anything. He says that trust is built by seeing how others react in certain difficult moments. If he sees they handle things in a similar way to him or if they handle things well this allows trust to grow.

I really liked the way he talked about spirituality. He said he never sat in church. His parents only taught him to be kind. His parents welcomed and supported everything that he and his sister wanted to do.

What I learnt the day before:

My sister Stephanie and I met at Starbucks on Friday morning.

I learnt that I saw myself distantly from her as though she had the problems that I had already overcome. But in reality her problems are similar to mine. Some of mine I have seen and some of mine I am trying to control and she is not trying to work on some of the issues yet.

One issues that I recently discovered I have: I tend to give advice. this is a very tricky thing to do and I should listen more and try to not give my opinion to anyone.

Another bad side: egotism and entitlement.

I never had to face real difficulties. Maybe I should be taking on a very humble job to see how people feel who are dependent on others for making a living.

Peter Pilates

He said that I judge too much and that I should be more self confident (and not say that I am a bad mother) and that I should be kind to my body

I noticed that I don’t like myself when I look at the mirror in the yoga class. Because I see a grumpy woman.

Where I started last month and what lessons were learnt.

I learnt that running with music is easier on faster and longer runs.

I learnt about addiction from the Amy Dresner book. That all addictions are interchangeable. That relapsing is part of the journey of recovery.

I learned to try to be very authentic and in touch with who I am. That means not to answer emails that are hurtful. To delegate many things that seep my energy.

Keeping my phone away from yoga class.

Keeping my phone away from the bedroom.

Foamrolling and yoga to increase flexibility.

My haircolour: either I go back to dark or I make an effort to dye dark strands over the blond ones.

Doing a routine of short meditations and yoga sessions.

Foamrolling and strength sessions alone.

Thinking about small steps. Little doses of stretching, writing and running. Little doses of publishing things on my website.

Talking to people about what I could have done better.

Letting my thoughts flow.



There is something to be said for obsessions. I wish I could say that it is easy being in my skin. I used to do art and design. Then I married. Then my gallerist disappeared. I had two more kids and I found myself not doing art anymore. I don’t miss it.

Instead of finding consolation in drugs I started running. Typically me. Running would not just be my hobby. It would be my everything.

I fell head over heals for running. It all started on my birthday in 2016. I contacted a coach and together we developed a plan for what would become a chapter in my life.

It was a new start and the addiction kicked in. It became better each day. So many emotions were freed in the process. A blossoming phase in my life.

During the runs I listened to podcasts and of course the wide range of ideas in the podcasts introduced me to a lot of themes. My life became more interesting and passionate. I didn’t know where to start when I woke up in the morning.

Many people asked me about art and if I was still doing anything related to art. I said no.

I was introduced to morning rituals and making lists of things. In the mornings I often made handwritten lists of To Do items. Sometimes during the day I would do some of the things written on the list. Many things on the list remained there for days and even weeks.

Writing morning pages and logging my training became passions. I felt the rush of happiness when I wrote. Still I hated the urge to write. I tried to keep myself away from compulsion. I didn’t want another job.



Hello there!

It has been a long time. If you want to know what I have been up to lately I’d like to add a list of things that are keeping me occupied lately. First and foremost I am now 17 weeks pregnant with baby number four, this along with the fact that our lively 2-year old is also growing and needing a lot of attention has kept me busy and very/insanely happy. The new baby will be boy too, so here we go, hoping to have 3 males and 1 female by April 2014. Furthermore we are renovating our home and I will be moving my studio to another floor keeping work and living spaces more separate. This sounds great but for the moment I feel that I won’t be going back to work as long as the two little ones are still at home. So at the moment the studio space will be just a space to organize my private life and will be waiting and set up for some time in the future when I will be having enough energy to occupy myself with creative things again. Another news is that we will be dedicating one room to fitness. I have been into Pilates at home and personal training sessions for about a year besides receiving shiatsu treatments and acupuncture.  All these things have been highly effective and I feel very energetic and positive lately. The next hobby I would like mention is nutrition. I hope I can be writing about his later but at the moment the beby is requesting attention,….

Hope to be back soon!